The Art of Erotic Foreplay – Part 4 of 4
Lip locking and tongues
Kissing is one of the most important aspects of foreplay. Make no mistake, a good kiss can mean the difference between playing with someone else and playing with yourself. It’s hard to believe that in some remote cultures, they find kissing to be taboo and disgusting. Luckily, kissing is something we can learn and acquire the skills to improve. Women rate kissing as one of the most erotic activities they engage in during sexual interaction. Case in point. A friend of mine was out to dinner on a first date with a girl. They eventually leaned into each other for their first kiss. After their inaugural smooch ended, she kept her eyes closed and was smiling. She said that was the kind of kiss she was hoping for. Her next question, “What do you want to do right now, honestly.” His answer was to skip the movie and take her home to make love, which they did. That must’ve been some kiss!
Since kissing is so powerful for women, men should take it seriously and cover all the stops. First, make sure your breath isn’t going to wilt a plant. A breath mint might not be enough if you’ve just had garlic shrimp and coffee for dinner. Make it a habit to carry a mini travel size bottle of mouthwash in your pocket or car. It just might save your night. The proper technique for kissing can vary from person to person, so let’s go with the best odds women have identified. The majority of women are fans of limited tongue use. Guys, there’s no need to play tonsil hockey. This is not an anatomy class or a sport, it’s kissing. Light tongue is okay for some, but test the waters before you jump in. Most women want passion, but that does not imply forceful lip locking. Keep the intensity to a level that is not too aggressive, but definitely not passive. My best advise is to use a technique called mirroring. Do what she does and mimic her levels of sucking, pressure, and tongue use. Most people would like someone who kisses like they do and focuses on similar areas of kissing.
Start off relaxing your own lips. Depending on if you’re giving a gentle kiss or a firm, passionate kiss, your approach and technique will vary. Women enjoy both styles, but it’s safer to begin with the gentle and work your way up to the more intense. Be aware that opening your mouth can be a good thing in moderation, just enough to fit tongues and lips. The excessively open mouth can feel rigid and overwhelming. A good technique to learn is lip kissing. Begin to gently kiss and suck her lips. Women enjoy lip sucking, both the top lip and the bottom. Be careful of how hard you suck and of biting the lips. Be mindful of your noses and how your head is positioned. Often people will tilt their head enough to compensate for their noses. Generally, it’s not a good idea to change up what you’re doing too often. Someone whose kissing style is all over the place appears too excited, anxious or nervous. Be consistent with kissing, meaning try not to sloppily kiss all over the place. However, using different techniques and styles sparingly is definitely encouraged. Use limited amounts of saliva. Make sure you swallow your spit and keep most of it in your mouth. One of the biggest complaints by women is the intensity of men kissing and the amount of saliva they deposit in women’s mouths. Breathe in and out through your nose while kissing. You can also develop ways through practice to breathe through your mouth in between kisses where you’re not breathing directly on her. As for your hands, many of us might feel the desire to feel her up and start inching towards the forbidden zones. Personally, I prefer not to have my hands wandering too much in order to give a female the opportunity to really focus on the kisses. I don’t want her mind going from passionate and stimulating kissing to wondering if I am going to touch her somewhere she’s not ready for. If she starts touching you in ways that belong in an x-rated movie, by all means, mirror those behaviors. That’s a good sign she’s comfortable and aroused. Remember, foreplay is about reducing anxiety and increasing arousal. During kissing can be a good time to use body massage techniques with your hands. You can rub and stimulate her back, shoulders, thighs, neck, head, and other areas that feel good.
Most people will tell you, kissing takes practice. No one starts off naturally knowing everything about sex, kissing, and foreplay. Hang in there. The knowledge is coming; hopefully the experience is as well. My advice to you is learn as much as you can about sex techniques and pleasing a woman. When you feel confident in your studying of human sexual behavior, put what you have learned into practice. Get out there and experience what life, dating, and sex has to offer. So keep masturbating her mind, caressing her body and softly kissing her. You’re on your way to becoming a better lover!
Dr. Chaves
Copyright 2009 Hernando Chaves
Dr. Hernando Chaves is a Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. He is a Sex Coach and resident Sexologist at www.askmen.com, offering guidance and technique training to become a better, more skilled lover. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression.
This one is an original that Prophet and I came up with after a night in the field. If we end up at home alone after a night in the field (it happens to the best of us), we always chill out for a bit and talk game like good wingmen should. I was talking about how I want to come up with a sweet little card trick gambit, but the problem with those is it that it looks incredibly try-hard to be carrying around a pack of cards everywhere you go.
That’s when we came up with the idea of creating the environment of role playing and having a shared reality by using invisible cards to perform a trick with your target. The idea is that you pretend to perform some dazzling magic trick with an imaginary set of cards, and depending on how the roleplay plays out, end it with a surprise finish that will get you big laughs (buying temperature) and a sense of connection with your target (from the roleplay itself).
All your going to need for this really good imagination and the ability to set the frame right, but if you want to add something really incredible, you’ll also need one joker in your pocket and the ability to make a card appear out of thin air.
You first introduce this by disqualifying yourself by saying something like “Now, I’m not too big on stuff with cards but work with me here for a sec. “ This is when you pretend to pull out a deck of cards and start to shuffle. You also usually want something like “work with me here” or “play along with me here” to let your target understand that she is to play the role of assistant to the trick and that she must play along.
Once you are finished “shuffling”, fan the “cards” in your hand and ask your target to pick a card. “Ok darlin’, pick a card, any card.” She will then pretend to pick one out of the deck.
SIDENOTE: If she does not play along at first, this is an IOD so you should send an IOD her way, cut the thread and move onto something else. Although neither of us have actually had this happen to us with this gambit yet, a good line to use when she refuses to buy into your frame is the classic “Oh my god, you can dress her up but you cant take her anywhere!”
Anyway….
Just like a magician would do with a real deck of cards, let her take the card and tell her not to show you the card and to memorize it. You can also let her know that she can show her friends the card if she wants. “Ok now keep it hidden and memorize your card. Create a mental image of it in your mind. You can show it your friends if you want to.” If the girl is accepting your frame she will just play along, even pretending to show her friends or even your wingman the imaginary card while whispering what it is into their ears. If this happens you can also say something to the friends like “Now if she cheats, you guys are going to tell me, right?” as a means of bringing the friends further into the conspiracy as well. Then say “Ok, now put the card back in the deck.” and let her pretend to put the card back.
After you tell her to remember what her card is get her to put it on the top of the deck, shuffle for a minute. Tell her to picture the card in her mind and pretend to concentrate yourself, as if you are tryng to read her mind. During this time you can even do another routine to really stack or maybe even qualify her a little. When you have finished shuffling simply throw the imaginary cards over your shoulder nonchalantly and say something like “okay, enough of those” or “aaaaaand there they go”. When your target looks confused, reach into a front pocket and pretend to pull out a card and ask her if it was her card with a playful smirk. At this point things could go a couple of different ways:
1. The girls might just figure you were messing with them the whole time and laugh, call you an asshole, and smack you (all of which are IOIs). Tease them for being so hands-on and then stack forward or qualify.
2. The girl might still play along and say yes it was her card, you can say “Ah, well it’s a gift! I didn’t even have to pay much for it either, I just had to talk to this guy named beazelbub…” and go off into Mystery‘s line about printing a contract off of the internet, then stack into something else, qualify, etc.
3. The girl might shit-test you, or just want to be playful and tell her it wasn’t her card. If this happens, look at the card, then look at her, and then pretend to toss the card away in an animated “drama queen” kind of way, saying in a playful tone “Fine, fuck it. I’m not here to impress you anyway.” and then do a hardcore roll-off. Be careful however: If you miscalibrate this and it sounds like you are upset or reacting to the fact that she wasn’t playing along, you will loose value. But if you do this in a really over-the-top way, you will get big laughs and a serious buying temperature spike from the roll-off.
Alternatively, if you want to do something really explosive, you can pull a real card out of the air, causing everyone to loose their fucking minds! In order to do this, you will need to learn how to make a card appear in your hand. A quick search on youtube will give you ton of instructional videos. It’s actually very simple, but it’s dangerous because if anyone sees the card before you make it appear, they can ruin the entire gambit. If you’re going to do this, be sure to practice like crazy until you can do this fluidly and without even having to think about it.
When the girl tells you it wasn’t her card, pretend to toss the card away with one hand as described above while you prepare to unvanish the rea; card with the other. Say something like “Hmmm…well then I wonder if it’s this one?” and as you finish the sentence, pull the card out from behind her ear and show it to her. Speed is key here. If you do it quickly and naturally, the set will blow up. The shock of going from imagining that they are watching you play with cards to actually seeing you pull a real card seemingly out of thin air will cause them to shreik and laugh and go nuts. If you are worried about someone seeing the card, do it to whoever is on the most outside circle of the group so that nobody can see the backside of your hand, this is also a good way to get others involved in the set. Say something such as “well perhaps it’s still in your head” or (looking at somebody else) “I think YOU have it” and pull it from behind her ear with the card well out of view from anyone else in the set until you pull it.
To add the icing to the cake, make sure the card you pull is a joker. Look at it with shock and say something like “What the – ? A Joker? You’re not even playing right!” or “that’s cheating!” and then roll off by saying something along the lines of “You know what, if you’re not going to play fair, I’m just gonna go home.” Again, if you do this really over-the-top way, you will get big laughs and a serious buying temperature spike from the roll-off.
The best part of this gambit is that even if you aren’t good at magic tricks you can still do this because you really aren’t doing anything. Hell, you don’t even have to guess what her card was because the card really doesn’t matter at all (although if you have to guess in a pinch, the Ace of Spades is usually the most picked imaginary card). It’s not the trick that’s important here, it’s the fact that you are leading the group, controlling the frame, and bringing everyone involved into a shared reality that you’ve created. It’s basically just a really in-depth roleplay with the added option of a real magic trick tagged onto the end. In fact, you’ll know you’re doing the gambit right when your target buys right into the frame and tells you that the imaginary card you showed her was, in fact, her card!
Try it out in the field, be sure to post any questions, and always keep your smile on.
- Wild Card
(with some additions and expansions added by Prophet)
About Wild Card
Wild Card is a seduction writer operating out of Toronto. Aside from his work for Venusian Arts, Wild Card is a card dealer and drummer in a classic rock/new rock band. In his spare time, he takes every opportunity he can to have crazy adventures with his wingmen, Showcase and Prophet.
Living vicariously with Mystery …
Alrighty gents, I got a call today at 1:30pm from the voluptuous girl from the party last week. Her name is … um, Annette. Sure. OK, so Annette (A for short) calls me because my last email to her had her asking her to call me. I left my # with her. So she did. She talked for about 10 minutes about anything but sex – in fact, I chatted like she was my good friend and we just shot the shit. I then said, come over. So she said she would come over after work. I tidy’d up and then at 7:30pm she called saying she was on her way over while I was talking to my buddy Tal. So she arrived and came to my bedroom where my computer was. she sat beside me on the bed and I played her an mp3 file I ripped off a CD. It was a folk song and I made her listen to it with her eyes closed. This changed her state to one of connection … as the song was called The Turtle Valley Snow. I then played some depressing songs (but really good ones) like from Counting Crows and this made it all serious in the room. I then played some fun fast stuff.
We talked about my computer and my favorite music and then talked about science for a bit … cosmology and mortality. We enjoyed each others company. I then got real close to her and as we were talking I kissed her neck. It was very natural. I talked some more and kissed some and then asked if she liked getting her neck bitten. She said yes so I did. I then asked her to stick her tongue out and I sucked on it. Ok, so we goofed happily (top off tits sucks, my shirt off nippled bitten, I kissed her ass and licked her everywhere … but … and she was very embarrassed about this …she was on her period and didn’t mean for us to get this far. So I said, hey its natural and we just played kissy and bitey and touchy. I rubbed her pussy from the outside of her panties and kissed her stomach and tongued her belly button. We massaged each other and rubbed and scratched but didn’t DO the sex thing. It was ok though. I am a man of CONTROL!!!!!! I am the master of my domain. King of the castle. So at 11pm she got dressed and we had dry humped each other and really had some CLEAN fun. I would have LOVED to cock her but she wasn’t able to due to nature issues nor did I have any co0ndoms here so it was fine. I would have liked a blow job though but that’s a little one sided for the first time. I COULD have talked her into it I’m sure but I would like to set this up for some longer term fun. Im not a very selfish person. We enjoyed each other tonight. I walked her to her car holding hands and we were all kissy kissy. I mean kissy! We were very good together. It was all good.
As a side note to those who haven’t been with a girl in a while. It’s worth it dude! Just TRY and fail and try and fail and try again. And then when a girl DOES accept you, and you are with her snacking on her tits, your eyes all glassy and you are totally immersed in tits, your ego is satiated. You feel so good. It’s a woman. Feminine creature. Her smell, her softness, the feel of the back of her head – her soft hair, her belly button, taking a bite out of her ass. A warm wet tongue in your mouth. Fuck, its so … natural. EVERYONE should have this connection with a girl … every DAY! I need more. Too bad she couldn’t stay the night. Too bad she wasn’t off her period. Too bad I didn’t have condoms. Too bad it wasn’t the weekend. Good news is, I KNOW FOR 100% FACT that she and I will see each other again and YES the sex will be good. I KNOW this. We did almost everything except the actual cock out of pants pussy in open air DO! Another time. I want things to be right.
She drove off with a smile on her face. I went back into my apartment with a smile on mine Mmmm …. I LOVE women!
More on Opening
In my previous article I talked about opening. One of the important things I did not mention is that I think it is important to stay completely sober when you game and not drink at all. Many guys have liquid courage and can only approach or game while drinking. This is a huge crutch because you will condition yourself to only being able to game when you are drinking. Then you might have trouble running day game or be uncomfortable in environments where alcohol is not involved. Also, alcohol gives everyone bad breath and that can instantly blow a set. Another tendency guys tend to have is holding their drinks up to their chest when they are drinking. This is closed off body language and every AFC in the club does this. Do not be that guy. If you have a drink, or water, hold it down at waist level at all times.
Opening in a loud club can be quite challenging. You must talk loud enough so you are heard without shouting to the point where you sacrifice too much vocal tonality. A good way to get the sets attention is to gently tap them with the outside of your hand to initiate kino. They will turn into you and then you can run your opener.
I use different openers at the clubs than I use during the day. I use very short openers in the clubs because it is so loud and people have short attention spans and there is so much other stimulation out there that you have to get someone’s attention quickly.
It is good to have several different openers ready to use. You need one to open the set, one to merge sets and one in case you need to handle an interrupt. I have a default opener and two backup openers. My default opener is Mystery‘s 80s song opener. Since this is not really an opinion opener, I still use it frequently. I find this opener is great on both mixed and all female sets and people also laugh if you intentionally sing out of key.
Here is the dialogue I would say when using this opener:
Hey Guys, 80s song, I heard this on the radio today! I cannot get the song out of my head! Who sings this song, you spin me round, round baby, round, round, like a record, baby round….
If they do not know, I sometimes throw in a neg like, a lot of help you are!
I will then say, well my mom thought it was Lionel Richie, but I do not think it is Lionel Richie. A lot of younger women ask who is Lionel Richie, so then I neg them again and say, Lionel Richie is a singer, Nicole Richies dad! HEEEELLLOOO! This will get several laugh tracks. I say the opener with enthusiasm, and a lot of energy, as I try to sing it, intentionally off key to make it funnier, but I really do not care if they know the song or who sings it. The only purpose of my opener and any opener is to open the set, so I can transition directly into A2.
-Hawaii
About Hawaii
Hawaii is a
VA Coach operating out of Las Vegas. He has instructed at nearly fifty (50) live bootcamps and seminars and trained hundreds of students over 3 years working for Mystery. He traveled with Mystery and Matador for more than a year and taught at over 25 bootcamps as an approach coach during his training period before becoming a lead instructor at over a dozen bootcamps. Not the typical player, Hawaii is a short, skinny, 30-something, average looking Asian guy, former accountant, who transformed himself into someone who is successful with women after years of practice working thousands of sets. Hawaii is Mystery's former Personal Assistant and has been working with him for 3 years since August 2005. In addition, Hawaii trained all of the students on season 2 of VH-1's The Pickup Artist as an off-camera Instructor for the entire duration of filming.
This is part three of my series on phone game. Click here to view my previous articles.
If your game is tight, and you follow the guidelines I outlined in my previous articles on texting and calling the women you meet, you’ll find that a surprising number of them will call you faster than you may have previously thought (make sure you TRADE numbers when you close her). As with my previous articles, everything mentioned below is a guideline only. These rules are not set in stone! You have to adapt and calibrate your actions as you go.
If she calls you, there are a number things to be mindful of such as your current circumstances, at what stage you are in the set, and what you think will work best with her.
First, make sure you don’t pick up on the first ring. The right time to answer is on the third ring. This can be hard to gauge if you have custom ringtones and such on your cell (and who doesn’t these days), so just wait a few seconds before you answer. I personally like to sing aloud with whatever ringtone I have assigned to the woman in question for a few lines because it ups my energy level when I answer the phone. It sounds silly, but no matter what else is happening, it always means that I answer the phone with energy.
When I answer the phone I typically just answer it with an enthusiastic and warm “Hello!”, or by calling her by her nickname: “Hello darlin’, how’s my Attack Kitten today?”. Depending on your identity, you may want to answer the phone with something different. If we already have inside jokes, I’ll sometimes answer the phone with a reference to that (so I would literally pick up the phone and say something like “I just swam here from FUCKING Pittsburg!”). My wing Wild Card, who has a very flamboyant and zany personality will always answer with “You’ve got GREG!” while a more professional person might answer with a professional “Brian Richards speaking”, as if they are expecting one of their million dollar clients to be calling them. This all depends on your avatar and personality. Just don’t make it sound corny or childish if that kind of humor isn’t part of your game.
Another thing that I think a lot of people don’t consider is how enthusiastic you sound when people call you. When your friends and girlfriends call you, its good social vibing to sound enthused that they called. Have you ever called up one of your buddies and had him sound almost annoyed that you called him? This is bad vibing. You’re calling up your friend to chat or invite him out, and not only isn’t he glad to hear from his so-called friend, but he actually sounds annoyed that you called! And he may not even realize that he’s being like this. He really could be happy to hear from you, but he’s just not showing it in his voice. There’s no energy, no inflection, no enthusiasm. You need those things when you answer the phone regardless of it’s your target, your wingman, or even your mom.
If your target calls you, it is an IOI. If you don’t accept that IOI and she gets a negative vibe from you, you will be reinforcing the idea that you don’t want her to call you. Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I want my targets to call me. I want them to send me funny little texts and call me to shoot the shit and invite me to hang out. Hell, I want them to call me when I’m out with other girls so I can build some jealousy. It makes your job a hell of a lot easier when they call you, so make sure you are happy to hear from them when they do!
Note: that doesn’t mean act supplicative and needy when she calls you. Don’t be like “OMG I’m so glad you called, I was just thinking about you last night and it’s really good to hear from you…” Instead, sound like “Hey babe! How are you? … Awesome! I’m fabulous as usual! I’m heading over to meet my friend Kayla, we’re going shopping to find me a top hat! What have you been up to?”
Now, once you answer you have the option, depending on what you are personally doing at the moment and what you think she would respond most positively to, to get involved in a conversation or to simply say “I’m kind of in the middle of something at the moment. How about I call you back [in an hour/this afternoon/tomorrow/whatever]?”
For instance, if I’m with a bunch of friends and we’re all hanging out and having fun, I’m not going to stop what I’m doing to talk on the phone. I’m going to say “Hey, how’s it going? Awesome! Listen, I’m out with some friends at the moment. How about I call you when I get home?” Or if she just has something quick to say, I’ll tell her “Ok, but I can’t talk long my friends are waiting on me.” This can be a very powerful thing to do every now and then because it conveys non-neediness and shows that you are a social person.
Alternatively, you don’t even necessarily HAVE to answer at all. If you are genuinely busy with something/someone, or you really just don’t feel like talking, don’t pick up and call her back later.
If you miss her call or just decide not to pick up, be sure to wait a little bit before you call her back. Unless you are both in a rush for some reason, ten minutes should be the minimum, but you could realistically wait for hours or days depending on the situation. Once again, you have to calibrate based on the situation.
If, for whatever reason, she doesn’t get you on the phone, you should make sure she has the option of leaving you a voicemail. This way you can check it whenever is most convenient for you and decide when you should call her back. You voicemail can also be very useful way to convey a little more of your personality. We’ll cover that in a couple weeks!
Next week: how to handle the time between your first call and you day-2!
About Prophet
Prophet is a
VA Coach specializing in routine stack creation who operates out of Toronto. Aside from his work as an instructor/site admin for Venusian Arts, Prophet is a software consultant at a leading software development firm. In his spare time, he finances, writes, and produces independent films with his wingmen, Showcase and Wild Card.
Craig once said that “It’s Always On.” My thoughts on this (why it is true) are,
While gaming, whenever escalation is possible, continue escalating AS A RULE. Ignore her non-committal behavior; she WILL act non-committal in order to handle her own ASD. She has to do this (explained below.) Just continue to plow in a non-needy way.
Women will act non-committal due to the sexual non-responsibility rule (a.k.a ASD), but subject to appropriate gaming they will continue to display passive IOIs such as allowing the gaming to continue, and allowing escalation (but acting like it’s weird in order to avoid responsibility/ASD.)
Have you ever been gaming a girl, and she has a weird smile on her face, with her eyebrows up, like she thinks you’re being weird? But at the same time, she continues to show passive IOIs. And also she doesn’t contribute that much, forcing you to carry most of the interaction. But she goes along with it. Players can miscalibrate this because of her weird look and her non-investment, they decide that she is being “a bitch” and they say “whatever fuck it then, I don’t care” when they actually could have kept plowing and got the girl.
This is interesting because ASD theory thus predicts the necessity of plowing. Plowing is also the accepted solution to token resistance, which is itself merely a more energetic form of this same passive IOI mechanism. Thus Token Resistance can be interpreted as an IOI. If she feels it necessary to begin avoiding responsibility for something that she feels inside, and she telegraphs this feeling via token resistance behavior, can’t we then take it as an indicator?
Some new terms:
Predictive Resistance: This is similar to token resistance, except she volunteers it without prompting. (Usually token resistance is thought of as a RESPONSE to some compliance test from the player.) Example: “I hope you know we’re not having sex tonight.” Why would she say this unless she is feeling ASD? And if I am not currently escalating, how does she feel ASD? Because she is getting excited and thus feels the need to avoid responsibility for it. This is how ASD gets activated. This is also WHY we have traditionally known that predictive resistance is actually an IOI from the girl. Girls don’t say that sort of thing to beggars on the street. They say it to hot guys when they are sitting on their couch together.
This is also why false disqualifiers work…because they eliminate her need to avoid responsibility and thus DEACTIVATE ASD.
Plowing is necessary yet so is flipping the script. You must do both.
Indicators: There are IOIs and IODs. Are there also IOQs? I.e. indicator of qualification. If there are reliable indicators for various other aspects of the game, such as the above-described “passive ioi / asd” indicator then perhaps we can improve intuitive accuracy. There must be entire classes of indicators and common confusions that occur.
====================
Eventually she opened up when I was just being myself and having fun,
***being persistent and smiling was key.
Formula: Due to previously discussed “act like you’re weird but give passive IOIs” mechanism, smile (relaxed, no big deal, being myself, unreactive) while plowing (90% rule) and using positive misinterpretation. Actually just viewing everything through the most positive frame possible.
This still gives room for routines (such as an opening stack) and calibration (such as negs and kino plowing.)
Everything else still applies…use DHVs, use false disqualifiers, kino escalate, get investment and qualify her, etc.
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TRY sarging from the frame of mingling, or spidering, where you’re not necessarily trying to pickup but only trying to meet high-value people and add them to your social circle.
ALSO try doing this but ALSO doing pickup as well. Doing jealousy, etc.
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Violation theory / ethics
Often we can violate social norms in the field, for the sake of practice or experimentation, and this is part of the learning process. In fact this is important for learning more about how social interaction really works, and we must feel dispassionate. But in the long term, we still must be aware of social norms and how they affect our game – we have to “surf the wave” and think intelligently about how to exploit these mechanisms, and not hide behind an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. This becomes ESPECIALLY RELEVANT when you begin to focus more on social circle game and less on cold approach game. You only live once!
When someone comes in your set, and is nice to you, without making social errors, then you are a violator if you are rude or cruel to him. If his frame is really weak, then he will still lose. But if he has a strong frame and is unreactive, then he will win, since YOU are the one who is in violation. You are the one who was being mean.
Conversely, if you go into someone else’s set, and you are nice, without making social errors, then the set is under a certain social obligation to show basic politeness. They can’t just ignore you. At this point you can just plow.
Why is this important? Because this ethical rule seems to be in operation socially, whether people see it or not. And because there is power to be derived: There is no longer any social obligation to be polite once someone has become a violator. If you enter a guy’s set politely, and the guy is rudely amoging you without provocation, he is a violator and you can now just ignore him like he’s not there. The more he reacts after that, the more his value drops while yours goes up. You couldn’t have previously ignored him if he hadn’t been rude – since that would have turned YOU into a violator.
There has been an important question related to AMOG tactics for a while now. The question is, if I am AMOGing the guy, aren’t I becoming more and more reactive to him, thus giving him power? AMOG lines are cool, but “less is more”…etc. Calibration is important:
— You can just AMOG him. You MUST calibrate that he will knuckle under your frame before you attempt this.
— If you miscalibrate and he retains a strong frame and positive attitude, then he wins. You are now in violation and he can ignore you.
— Instead of attacking him, you can BAIT him to try to AMOG you. (People have previously used these terms interchangeably, but I am now suggesting that there is a difference.) If he does, he is now a violator and you can ignore him. Most people will fall for this, this is why classical AMOG theory works. This is the mechanism being exploited. If he doesn’t take the bait, you are still in the game since you only baited and you never actually violated. But you lost a little “social energy”. The more obvious it becomes that you are baiting him, the more you are REACTING to him. The less he takes the bait, the more YOU are becoming REACTIVE to HIM.
A piece of violation theory (or “ethical theory”) thus becomes the ability to bait people into making social errors. People will often hang themselves without your help. Other people need some rope. If you can bait people into violating (or DLVing which I think is slightly different. A DLV is a social error but a social error is not a DLV.) If you can bait people into violating, then the rules now apply: I can ignore the person without become a violator myself. My value will continue to rise and his will continue to drop. This will also generate attraction in nearby females. Useful?
I think that girls are really good at this. Stupid girls just violate (they can get away with some degree of this but they lose power as a result). But girls with social skills will bait other people to violate. Or even worse: set a double-bind frame and so NO MATTER what you do, you just hung yourself.
This is interesting as well: if she sets a double-bind frame where I will lose, and I don’t come up with a good comeback (reframe), then I will also lose. The fact that I was silent subcommunicates that I couldn’t think of a good response, making me the loser in the battle of the wits. It is also implicitly interpreted by her that her frame must have been correct, that I AM a violator, and that I had nothing to say in my own defense. She can now ignore me AND continue dropping my value if I stick around (due to violation theory.)
POSITIVE MISINTERPRETATION
This shows why frame control is so important, why I must always have a good answer to a shit test. She is baiting me to disqualify myself. And not only must I have a good answer, but I must be totally friendly and nice and unreactive. Even if she is non-responsive, or acts like I’m weird, or challenges me, I mustn’t be rude, unfriendly, or angry/reactive, because that is exactly what she is baiting me to do. For the sole purpose of making me a VIOLATOR so that she can blow me out without becoming a violator herself. Notice that when your value is low, girls will get really impatient and try to pick fights so that they have moral justification to blow you out. Girls will also do this when they want to end a relationship. Again, this all stems from the “no responsibility” rule.
How to get to her WITHOUT VIOLATING.
— Be friendly and nice, without “crossing that line” of being mean to someone, while simultaneously plowing and interpreting everything in a positive way. Do NOT get reactive or you lose. Just act like nothing is a big deal, keep plowing and being yourself, and don’t violate social norms.
— Neg. Perhaps this is why Negs have been so hard to understand. I can define a neg as something that conveys disinterest, while simultaneously NOT crossing a violation line. If I say, “I hate you, you fucking bitch” then I have conveyed disinterest. But I have also disqualified myself by violating. Now I’m creepy and people can ignore me without feeling guilty. She’s looking to screen me out anyway, early on especially, so I basically just made it easy for her. (Some guys walk away from this sort of thing saying, “Whatever, I don’t care. I really don’t give a fuck.” It’s good to not give a fuck. But that attitude should be combined with the social intelligence not to make social errors and get yourself disqualified. We are playing to win, so don’t deliberately hang yourself. People WILL give you the rope – watch out for it. They are baiting you.)
Negs allow me to do very useful things (frame control, false disqualifiers, emotional stimulation, comfort building, value subcommunication) while simultaneously NOT crossing the violation boundary and getting disqualified. I’m still friendly and unreactive. I’m not a violator. And as long as I keep plowing, she can’t blow me out.
This may be what people are talking about when they say that people can’t blow them out of set anymore.
Ways that SHE will try to BAIT YOU to violate
— Her friend runs over and they scream and hug. Now they have created a new shared frame together. If I bust in, in a reactive way, I am now a violator. If I stand there like a dork, I feel stupid and start to panic. The social pressure is building on me…I can’t leave and I can’t stay. Eventually I slink away. Notice that Mystery‘s solution FOLLOWS SOCIAL NORMS: First you cut your thread (appropriate) then you ask the target to introduce the obstacle (appropriate)
— Her friend is rude to you. You are rude to her friend. Now the target can treat you like a violator and it’s “not her fault.” Don’t take the bait.
— “Well thanks for coming over to say hi, it was really nice to meet you.”
— “Um, we haven’t seen each other in a long time; we’re having a really important conversation right now.”
— These are interesting because now if I stay, I am a violator EVEN IF I CONTINUE TO BE NICE. They have set the frame that merely being there makes me a violator. In my experience, the best solution here is a massive value demonstrator combined with a false disqualifier: “Oh we’re actually on our way over to Skybar, I just wanted to stop and say hi first…” (stack forward.) ANY OTHER SUGGESTIONS FOR THIS?
— Another suggestion for this, of course, is to come in with massive value and a false time constraint in the FIRST PLACE, so they don’t bait me in this way. For example, you get a lot less of this bullshit if you have first been building your value in the room, for example by parading a hot girl around. Ever notice that the other sets open easier once you have been parading a hot girl around?
Interesting: When Mystery handles an interrupt, he reminds the target that it’s “the polite thing to do” to introduce him to the obstacle. Now she has to do it, she would be a VIOLATOR if she didn’t. So she does. Interesting that she can PRETEND she didn’t think of it and absolve herself of responsibility. If she leaves you standing there and you eventually leave, it’s still “not her fault.” But once you make it explicit that she’s being rude, now she HAS to follow social norms, so she does. There are thus cases where you can use your knowledge of social norms to force people to comply with them where they might normally pretend they didn’t notice. This is why social norms are so interesting – because people DO follow them, whether they have full knowledge of them or not. But having that knowledge gives you an edge.
— Also interesting: If I explicitly voice a secret society rule or understanding, I HAVE committed a violation. BUT I can act as if I didn’t notice it and still get away with it. Other people nearby can ignore it and it will go away. But if someone says “but of course” he is pointing that that I am a violator, that I have made explicit something that people prefer to assume. This is because people like to act Secret Society, without being made RESPONSIBLE for it, by pretending they don’t know. When I point it out explicitly, they can no longer pretend, and thus they are forced to deny their own behavior and to pay lip service to social programming. I have become a PARTY POOPER – a VIOLATOR. I have already fucked up. But by saying “but of course” the person has now made my fuckup clear and my lack of social intelligence is now evident. DON’T TALK ABOUT THE SECRET SOCIETY. Remember one of the rules of the Secret Society is that you don’t talk about it. Talking about it implies that you aren’t familiar with the rule, and thus you must NOT BE A MEMBER.
— Thus the strategy should always be to ASSUME the secret society is true, and escalate accordingly, while simultaneously pretending that it’s not true and also paying lip service to the typical social programming.
— The phrase “it’d be rude not to.” This phrase absolves yourself of responsibility by implying that you would be a violator if you did anything else. Remember, people can’t blame you if there is a higher authority. This phrase uses social norms as a higher authority.
— Interesting that the phrase can ALSO be used in cases where it’s NOT LOGICALLY TRUE, but will still have the same effect regardless. The more obvious it becomes that the phrase is actually not appropriate, the more funny it becomes when you use the phrase. What is the tie-in here with humor?
Are there ways to get rid of someone WITHOUT using violation theory?
— can’t think of one
This could be really important.
Some general principles:
— Don’t ever violate a social norm since it causes you to lose power. (Unless you are doing some specific practice or experimentation.) Always keep the “high ground” morally. Always be unreactive, friendly – and plow.
— If someone BAITS you, continue to be unreactive, friendly, and plow.
— If someone VIOLATES you, you can now AMOG and IGNORE him without becoming a violator. Ignore is preferable since it is less reactive. A single good AMOG line can be useful as well depending on context.
— You can also BAIT someone into violating. If he takes the bait, he is now a violator and the above now applies.
— If he doesn’t take the bait, then calibrate: Can you bait him again? If you keep it up, he will gain an edge because you are reacting slightly more. The most you can do beyond this is just be unreactive, friendly, plow, and ignore him as much as possible without going into violation.
— If you can calibrate that the person has a weak frame, you can just violate him and retain the stronger frame. But beware: now all of his friends, some of whom may be socially more intelligent than him, can ignore you and get away with it.
Back to this paragraph:
Have you ever been gaming a girl, and she has a weird smile on her face, with her eyebrows up a bit, like she thinks you’re being weird? But at the same time, she continues to show passive IOIs. And also she doesn’t contribute that much, forcing you to carry most of the interaction. But she goes along with it. Players can miscalibrate this because of her weird look and her non-investment, they decide that she is being “a bitch” and they say “whatever fuck it then, I don’t care” when they actually could have kept plowing.
What’s really going on is that she uses her facial expression to set a frame that you are weird. This absolves her of responsibility of what is happening (so she can allow it to continue.) Unfortunately, this also baits the PLAYER to become a violator. “I’m not BEING weird, but she’s ACTING like I’m weird. What a BITCH!” If you aren’t socially intelligent, you will take the “bait” that she was “rude” to you, and thus you will be rude back to her. Once you do this:
— IN YOUR MIND: She was rude for no reason, therefore I was rude back. Whatever. Fuck her. I don’t care. Women are bitches.
— IN HER MIND: I didn’t do anything wrong. He was being weird to me and then he was being rude to me so I filtered him out. Just another loser.
A guy with a stronger frame will remain unreactive to her bait and friendly, and will never go into violation and won’t get screened out. He can’t get blown out. Now all he has to do is continue stimulating her emotions and DHVing. The best part is that the unreactive, friendly part is a DHV in-and-of-itself.
So she is selecting for strength. Is she trying to blow me out or trying to get with me? BOTH. One or the other will work, either outcome is fine with her. It’s not her fault either way. I COULD interpret that she is blowing me out, and I’d be RIGHT. I could get all reactive about this. Or I COULD interpret that it is ON and that she is testing for strength. And I would be RIGHT in this case as well. It is my own value and my own subcommunications that determine which way she will interpret it. NOT — HER — FAULT.
Other concepts:
Different violations, and different baits, have differing levels of plausible deniability.
Some violations only exist if they are pointed out (“Introduce me to your friend, it’s the polite thing to do.”)
Some baits are more or less reactive. If it isn’t obvious that I’m baiting (“thanks for stopping by!”) then I retain plausible deniability while simultaneously forcing the person to become a violator if they stay. I don’t come off as reactive. If it IS obvious that I’m baiting (“oh that’s a really nice coat you got there. You from the CIRCUS?”) then I’m also perceived as more reactive. If I continue baiting in this way I will become the more reactive one and eventually lose. This is why, when AMOGing, “less is more.” I gave myself less plausible deniability.
— Always maximize my own plausible deniability, and that of my target, while minimizing that of rival players and AMOGs.
“Can I have a light?” is a great opener (I got the idea from Christophe). It ties in here because it’s a socially reasonable request, and makes the person look like a jerk if they don’t give you compliance. This is why it’s better to use small hoops early on…because the smaller the hoop, the more of a violator the person appears to be if they defy.
Your body is the most important possession you have, and yet it is something that far too many men take for granted and simply cant be bothered to take care of. Your body is both your vessel and your weapon. Its one of your biggest tools of seduction and it’s the only one you’re going to get, so don’t get lazy and waste it. It may not be perfect, you may not like many parts of it, but there are no exchanges and no returns on these things, so you better learn to work with what you have. The way a man takes care of himself can indicative of how he takes care of a woman. If you’re a complete slob who cant even find the time to wash your hair, what is your target going to think about how much time you will be able to find for her? A fit, well-groomed, and well-dressed man also attracts the stereotype of being successful, since successful people typically understand the importance of taking care of their appearance.
It may not make or break your game, but a man who obviously takes care of himself has a significant advantage over another who does not. Would you not find a woman with styled hair, a fit body, and a classy dress more attractive than a woman with messy hair, loose jeans, and a hoody? Of course you would! As men, we generally do not appreciate the amount of effort that women put into looking good. Why cant we do the same? Even if you don’t care so much about making women more attracted to you in this sense, why not take care of yourself and your body as a means of improving your health, energy, and self-confidence? When you take care of yourself you will start to respect yourself more, and when you respect yourself your self confidence will increase tremendously. When that happens (and it will) people will respect you more.
When you want to take care of yourself (and you should) there are a number of different elements you should be looking at, each one as important as the next:
Good physical fitness is key: get your self a nice tone body. Unless you are drastically overweight, there’s no need to be popping pills or hitting the gym every day. If you want to get buff and muscular (and that is a DHV) you may have to, but it doesn’t take too much of a drastic change to lose a little excess fat and tone up a bit. I’m no fitness expert (that would be Steve Jacks), but there’s a tremendous amount of information on fitness out there on the internet. Basically though, just make sure you eat right and make yourself a quick nightly and morning workout routine for when you wake up and go to bed, perhaps a few sit ups, push ups, and a couple of simple weight lifting exercises. A gym membership can still a good idea, but you don’t NEED to maintain a religious work-out schedule if your focus is just to stay healthy and look good. If you want more tips on getting a tone body I would highly recommend looking at matador‘s article on body building he has recently posted.
Your choice of food is important as well. Everyone eats. It’s what our body runs off of; it’s where it gets its fuel from. You are what you eat and that’s a fact. Greasy foods may taste good, but they make you feel gross afterward because of all the unhealthy crap you are stuffing down your throat. Even if you’re eating out a lot, pretty much every place has a healthy menu that you can get something from. Although it is a little more pricey to eat healthier you can take pride in knowing that you’re doing your body some good. Just because you can’t win friends with salad does not mean that it doesn’t taste good, is good for you and will make you a healthier person all around. Your body will thank you for it too, as healthy eating habits typically result in more energy and a better feeling throughout the day. .
Then there’s grooming. Just because you’re healthy doesn’t mean you look good. Grooming should be next on your list. Your hair is most likely the most distinguishable feature that you have on your body so you’re grooming skills should be up to par; head and face. Do some research, ask a hair stylist. Find out what’s going to look best on you, play around a little bit with a few different styles if you want to and see what kinds of different reactions you can get. Find something that suites you nicely. You can go something very extreme with shapes such as an Astro boy look, a crazy anime character or even devil horns to use as something to peacock with. Or you can go to something nice, short and spiked up a little bit with some styling gel. Just keep your hair looking nice, don’t let it get messy, don’t let it get long with split ends and for the love of god don’t let it get thick and greasy. Same goes for your facial hair. If you have facial hair, keep it trimmed and neat, otherwise keep that face shaved and smooth. If you’re going for the stubbly look, that’s cool, but make sure you keep it under control.
This brings us to our next point: showering. Showering makes us clean, makes us smell nice and it makes us feel good about ourselves and can actually help relieve stress. Shower in the morning, shower after a work out, shower after work, and shower before going out to sarge. If you can, a nice bath before you go to bed can make you feel more relaxed and help you get a much better night of sleep.
When it comes to proper hygiene and grooming take some common sense into consideration. Brush your teeth regularly, clean and trim your fingernails, trim any unnecessary body hair that’s not too needed. Wash your face. Avoid looking greasy, dirty, or pimply at all costs. Use skin-care products if you want smooth, touchable skin (women notice these things on guys!). Make sure everything is clean and in tip top shape, this means everything from head to toe. Do your feet stink? Get insoles, foot scrubs, or powders. Do you have acne? Get treatment. Do you look sickly and pale? Get a tan. Whatever may be wrong with your body these days, there is almost always a solution. Get that shit handled ASAP!
A well maintained and well taken care of body can take you very far. It can make you feel good about yourself and only further improve your game (both inner and outer). Most changes involve very little effort to improve yourself very dramatically. Small-chunk these things if you have to: get one thing handled and then work on the next. Make little changes and stick to taking care of yourself and in time you’re guaranteed to notice some major differences.
Remember to always keep that smile well equipped,
- Wild Card
P.S. I found a cute little video on washing yourself, and figured that since it was strangely relevant to this article, I’d post it here.
About Wild Card
Wild Card is a seduction writer operating out of Toronto. Aside from his work for Venusian Arts, Wild Card is a card dealer and drummer in a classic rock/new rock band. In his spare time, he takes every opportunity he can to have crazy adventures with his wingmen, Showcase and Prophet.
The Art of Erotic Foreplay – Part 3 of 4
Exploring the body
Body massages are a great way for you and your partner to get in the mood for sex. It is the classic method people use to excite their partner that can excite us too. This article will focus on non-genital forms of body massage. Don’t worry; we’ll get to the genital massage and penetrative sexual techniques soon. First we have to crawl before we can walk. For our purposes, let’s not discuss the obvious areas like the back or the foot. Instead, let’s focus on the areas of the body with less notoriety, the hands and the head.
Remember the first time you were lucky enough to explore a woman’s body? Treat every opportunity like it was your first. Explore with enthusiasm and appreciation. There are a couple of reasons it is a good idea to explore the female body through massage. First, the more you explore the body through touch, the more you will awaken her erogenous zones. Erogenous and secondary erogenous zones are areas of the body that are highly sensitive and filled with nerve endings that heighten pleasure. Areas like the neck, back, hips, thighs, and feet can all be erotic areas to touch a woman. So caress, rub, and stimulate these pleasure zones. Awaken the nerve endings in her body. Each woman will have different areas that she finds sensitive and erotic. Ask her what feels good, listen for feedback and observe the non-verbal cues she is displaying during touch. She will give you a lot of clues as to how she likes to be touched during foreplay, so study her reactions and sensitivity areas.
For our purposes, we are going to talk about massaging specific body areas. When was the last time you massaged a woman’s hands? The human hand (specifically the fingertips and palm) has one of the highest concentrations of Meissner corpuscle nerve endings in the body. Most women enjoy hand massages that are slow, passionate, and sensual. Grab some lotion or oil and give her the greatest hand massage she has ever had. Remember, each one of these techniques should be used with oil or lotion for best results.
-Clench all your fingers/entire hand around each of her fingers and pull away firmly massaging each finger.
-Try using your thumbs to massage her palm areas.
-While palm-to-palm, interlock your fingers with her fingers and gently squeeze, then pull your interlocked fingers away from hers and stretch her fingers.
-You can use your palms, knuckles, thumbs, or pointed fingers to massage different areas.
-With your thumb, rub the area of her palm where her thumb turns into her palm.
Be careful when massaging the backhand side of the hand opposite of the palm. There is less flesh, more bones, and massaging it too firmly can be uncomfortable. Don’t just stop at the wrists, the arm massage also feels quite good too.
Women also enjoy head/scalp massages. There are actually women who report reaching orgasm just by combing their hair. Many women will rate a good head rub or a man running his fingers through her hair as highly pleasurable (and unique). Women have also reported that it’s a turn on for a man to wash their hair when the take a shower together. A good head rub takes some practice and getting use to. The amount of pressure and intensity should be less firm and gentle. A good rule is to pretend your washing her hair. Don’t wash her hair like you wash your own, there is no scrubbing involved. Instead, use rhythmic motions combined with sensual touch to stimulate her head. Here are some techniques to use.
-You can use your fingers as a comb and brush her hair and scalp.
-Take your entire hand and gently start from her neck and work your way up her head. You want to end up with the back of her head in your hand and your palm against her scalp. Then, with your fingers gently interlaced in her hair, massage her scalp.
-You can also use your fingertips to massage her scalp in circular patterns to relieve tension.
-Take both hands and sensuously massage her head.
Adjust the intensity according to what she asks for, that means ask for feedback. Be careful of pulling her hair or getting so excited it becomes rough.
Some things to remember with massages: use oils and lotions that are hypoallergenic in case your partner has skin allergies and keep in mind oils can clog pores. Communicate with your partner and ask for feedback regarding the firmness, pressure, and speed. A massage is a gift to your partner to show them you appreciate and respect them, so be careful for the temptation to cop a feel or venture into areas of the body that might spell aggressive rather than seductive.
Dr. Chaves
Copyright 2009 Hernando Chaves
Dr. Hernando Chaves is a Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. He is a Sex Coach and resident Sexologist at www.askmen.com, offering guidance and technique training to become a better, more skilled lover. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression.
Ok, I went to an area of town known for bars and cafes and restaurants – I went by myself and had never gone there before. I got into some cool adventure but after several no-gos I ended up at a regular club right downtown. I got NOTHING. I went from club to club and while I had fun (I must have talked with 10 girls in the whole night) NOTHING panned out into COOL GROOVES.
So I ended up walking into a place and bumped into a girl from a year ago who was so happy to see me. I remember her and I not cutting the bacon ’cause while she is VERY PRETTY (I met her at a fashion show where she was modeling originally) she wasn’t very SEXUAL. Thing is, she her male friend and I (the male friend was JUST a friend) went to another club together. She was hanging off my arm and she kept touching my chest and stomach and was so flirty and she bit my cheek and nuzzled me and everything. I played VERY hard to get and she told me she had lost her book with my # in it and wanted my # again. I RELUCTANTLY gave it to her and she says she’ll call this week. Thing is, while pretty, I don’t know if she’ll copulate with me. That’s all I really want to do with her – if she would fuck me, Id hang with her – but if not, I wouldn’t want to just be friends and always have to ABSTAIN from my desires. That would get to me. I’ll tell ya what happens. I went to another club and nothing there and then for pizza and met a girl outside who I chatted with a bit and then a girl inside the pizza place. Point is, I didn’t get anywhere with them but I approached, met and chatted and left looking very cool. I was wearing a suit and the girls were CLUB girls so I looked a bit out of their range.
I would like to find my TYPE of woman. Where would I go? My TYPE is an intelligent model. A REAL model, not a wannabe. I’m a performing artist and want a model. It’s that simple. I don’t know where they ARE though. All the gorgeous girls today were soooo young. I like young, but they were sooo youth culture. I want class. Where are they? I looked and looked. Oh shit, remember the voluptuous girl I snacked on about 2 weeks ago? She was in one of the cafes I checked out. We talked for a brief time and then I took off playing “I don’t care, I’ve got better people to do”. I wonder if she’ll call me or email me or something. Who knows? She was a cutie but if she aint interested I can only move on, right?
Sorry for not being more into NG lately. I’ve had some stress from shows I had to perform the last week.
Oh, my HB friend (she is a 10!) on my birthday told me she loved me. I mean LOVE. She was crying and everything and we had a fight because her 3 friends (all 6.5 and UNDER) liked me and I was being flirty with them because it felt good and she got all pissed over that. It’s not like Id actually DO any of em, fuck! I mean ugs. Thing is we all went to her friends place and 2 of the girls took their tops off and got on the bed with me (I was just lying there watching) and the girls started to French kiss each other on my asking them to (I LOVE lesbianism). Then the 3rd girl came in and I told all three to kiss and they did. Then one of them started rubbing my cock through my pants (they were not beauties but 3 girls frenching each other 6 inches from my face will get me going I learned) and I asked her to stop and told them it was all good and that I just wanted to watch. Thing is, my HB friend was weirded out and called a taxi. She wrecked the whole scene. I left with her and we argued in the car. She was so in love with me (and to think I thought she and I had an UNDERSTANDING) and when I told her I want going to get INVOLVED with the ugs and just wanted to enjoy watching the lesbianism part (she likes lesbianism too it turns out) she said, “Why didn’t you tell me that?” I said, “Fuck, how am I supposed to know you needed me to TALK to you.” thing is we fought and haven’t spoken since. I’ve been busy anyway. See, I don’t fight. I never ever raise my voice. But she did to ME. That’s not acceptable behavior so I left.
Well anyway, it’s now 4:40am. I had a rather lonely evening. I met many girls but nothing really worth mentioning. Not great looking, or my type, or old enough, or mature enough, or into me enough. It was a fun game though tonight. at least I tried.
I was observing a natural work a set the other day when I came upon an epiphany in terms of how kino works in its progression. I realized the term “escalation” did not properly encompass the whole process of what happens when kino occurs during a pickup scenario. I sat down and mapped it out and came up with what I think is a better way of describing how kino helps in building attraction. I was able to break it down in three overlapping steps similar to how attraction, comfort and seduction overlap thus does kino compliance. These three steps I have dubbed the “3 Rs” which are Receptiveness, Response, and Reciprocation, respectively.
In the beginning stages of kino escalating, gauging the indicators of interest (IOIs) is crucial in continuing kino and further ramping it up. In the first few minutes, kino should either step up gradually with slow attraction building (or rapidly if kino plowing targets with high body temp already) or should cycle up and down according to IOIs and IODs. The receptiveness of the kino will be indicated by direct body language and facial expressions. When a target smiles during kino this will be an indication of continued receptiveness. However, confused looks or expressions of distaste to any kind of touching should be calibrated with kino IODs. The receptiveness should be focused upon until major positive physical response mechanisms are present.
Once receptiveness is indicated the target or set should begin to respond favorably. In addition to body language, the kino should cause the target to begin to touch her hair, scratch herself, lean into you or other IOI responses that indicate that kino is being received favorably. This is where overlap occurs in that these responses are a physical phenomenon one can observe, but yet will overlap the receptive behavior. When referring to responses I generally am noting larger physical motions that are easily observed and congruent with the receptive indicators already mentioned. Responses can be negative, however. If receptiveness is plowed through and comfort is not established kino can still be met with a response such as turning away or backing up from unwanted kino. Therefore any ambiguous or negative response should be met with caution that includes building more attraction and cycling through less aggressive with more aggressive kino till positive responses occur.
After major positive responses, the last stage in the kino compliance cycle should occur. This involves reciprocation. Not only should a target respond with IOIs from your kino but they should begin to kino back too. Once this occurs it is a green light towards more intense kino that loops back through the 3 Rs. If, for example, you touch a woman’s hips and she touches yours this indicates you should now test for receptiveness towards more aggressive kino when the proper time calls for it (kiss closing in a seduction location is a great example of this cycling process). Once reciprocation occurs, the last level of kino should be a baseline for continuing to cycle kino and escalate again. The 3Rs should once again be favorable before advancing kino even further.
I feel this is a much more representative description of kino escalation then the term itself provides. Kino compliance with 3R cycling should yield positive results when practiced properly.
Have fun and keep Sarging.
Simeon
About Simeon
Simeon is a
VA Coachoperating out of California. After winning the title of Master Pick-Up Artist on Season 2 of VH1?s
The Pick-Up Artist, Simeon has chosen to further his training with Mystery and Matador as he continues the everlasting journey of improvements in the pickup arts. Now he has chosen to give value to others by teaching the arts that have so dramatically transformed his life so that others may share in the enjoyment that pickup creates through the rigorous but rewarding journey of pickup artist training provides.
Bodybuilding
When I was around 21, I got into bodybuilding. I played football, basketball, martial arts, track, & pole-vaulting in high-school. I grew up in Texas and being big and muscular increased your social value immensely (as most high schools I assume).
When I turned 21, I started to lift for aesthetic purposes, not just for athletic performance. At my peak I managed to get to 245 and 3.8% body fat benching 450lbs for 4-5 reps.
In short, I looked like a real amateur bodybuilder. Anybody who knows me from a couple of years ago can attest to that.
Here is my experience of various dynamics during my journey.
ATTENTION FROM WOMEN
This result was two-fold. I am around 6’2”. When I hit around 205 at 5% body fat, I noticed a night and day difference with women throwing IOIs at me. When I started to increase to 220lbs at 6% I noticed it started to go down. When I hit 245lbs @ 6-7% body fat I noticed it go down a lot. Some girls would still throw IOIs, but most were scared of me. In addition, some simply gave me deliberate IODs.
To put 205@5% into perspective: It would look like Brad Pitt in Fight Club or Troy.
At 220lbs@6%, it would look The Rock in Scorpion King.
At 245lbs@6-7% body fat, it would look freakish and like the guys on the cover of Muscle and Fitness and maybe FLEX (the guys on the cover of FLEX are pros and still are at another level above).
This was back before I knew anything about the community. In my mind:
More Muscle = More Social Value = More Women.
My conclusion: The Brad Pitt Fight Club look works the best for pua goals.
RESPECT FROM MEN
QUICK NOTE: Bodybuilding and fighting are two different art forms. Weight training-not bodybuilding-helps the latter. Do not think that just because you are big you can fuck with anyone. There are some scary cats out there. Avoid fights if possible is my best advice. It is not conducive to our survival goals.
Pros and Cons here: On one hand, you almost get instant respect from men. Men simply do not want to fuck with you. From bouncers, businessmen, athletes, musicians…etc. They all start throwing submission IOIs to let you know you’ve got them in this area. Some want to align with you, some want to distance themselves from you, and some outright resent you and talk shit behind your back.
Another pattern I observed. Rich guys will want to be seen with you (when you’re really big). They will want you to roll in their entourage. They will buy you drinks, throw women on you, and introduce you as their friend.
Cool guys, who you want to be like, will give you a level of respect instantly into their social circle, provided you are not a socially unintelligent person. In other words, they will give you access to their world, provided you don’t do anything stupid.
People in general will give you compliance easier. It’s the small things you notice in everyday situations from waiters, people standing in line…etc.
One funny story, I ran a red light at about 60mph, simply because I thought I could make in the yellow on pacific coast highway. I was in a national park and I noticed the park ranger slow down as I sped up. I was going to try to make the light and he was going wait for the next one. I ran it and he turned his sirens on and pulled me over. Why would I do such a thing you may ask? Well, I didn’t think these guys handled traffic violations. I thought they monitored park activity such as fires, vandalism…etc., things like that. In short, it was stupid, but that’s what my rationalization was at the time. As he is pulling me over, he asks me if I have been drinking which I said no and then asked me to step out of the car. After I did, he took one look at me and asked me, “Why shouldn’t I give you a ticket.” I told him, “that was a completely stupid thing I did and it won’t happen again.” He let me go! Some may say that was completely random. However, I disagree. Nothing is completely random, nothing is an accident. Even if people themselves are not aware of what they are doing, they’re emotions are reacting nevertheless. In this instance, his emotions & logic decided to give me a pass, if I simply gave him this one little compliance test. He didn’t want a cute logical answer, but wanted an emotional one. Notice how I never answered the question that he asked? Why would he do this in the first place? I believe, by the intimidation factor of this huge guy being presented to him on a one-on-one basis on the side of the road.
Women will want to show you off. Hold your arm like they are so proud to be there. Even though it all breaks down to value, there is nothing like seeing the love and adulation in a young girl’s face as she is looking at you and you know it is real.
CONFIDENCE
At gladiator dimensions, you’re CONFIDENCE is SUPER-HUMAN. I am not saying it is entirely real…just describing how you FEEL. You feel entitled to any girl in the venue. You FEEL entitled to TAKE what you WANT. You feel like you can slam dunk a basketball (which I could barely do)…you FEEL like you can accomplish anything after enduring the discipline and pain it takes to get there. YOU FEEL FUCKING AWESOME. Almost anything you wear looks good, you feel like a Ferrari on a road filled with Cadillacs. You feel peaceful. You feel clean. You feel energetic. You feel younger. You feel like you’re not aging. You feel DANGEROUS. Your feel POWERFUL…physically & mentally. Remember, don’t go into the gym get up to 225lb on bench with a gut and say you don’t feel these things. This is how I felt when my body was at a level where someone would pay me to photograph it.
HOW TO GET GOOD
A rough but effective game plan to get your body to where you want it to be is a follows:
First, outsource the knowledge. A lot of you guys are busy on your wealth and relationship nodes of your life. You don’t need to immerse yourself in the world of bodybuilding. Here is the solution and eventually you will acquire the knowledge yourself.
Find a trainer that LOOKS like a bodybuilder from a reputable GYM. You may not want to look like him, but he will have the knowledge and drive to take you to where you want to go because he has done it himself. They may be exceptions to the rule; however, I don’t want to waste any time finding out. Also, you have to believe in your trainer as a teacher/role model and he needs to earn that respect as he is yelling at you to grunt out another rep on the leg press as you have a white-hot burn going through your legs.
Second, you must hit your training, diet, supplementation, and rest in unison. If anyone of those areas is left undone, you will not get the “Perfect Look”. There are some major mistakes I see a lot of guys do. The will either:
1) Over train
2) Not know how to train, but think they do after reading a few pages of muscle and fitness.
3) Train and then go eat a pizza afterwards and wonder why their ab wall doesn’t show after the million crunches leg raises that they’ve done.
4) Not rest enough…I knew one guy do did fifteen sets of 8 on bench press as his first chest exercise! WTF!
5) I saw this same guy repping with the same weight for about 2 years!
The list could go on an on. In short, seek out those you have the knowledge and motivation that you need TODAY and who have proven successful at the task you are about to perform.
Here is a rough summary:
1) Seek out a QUALIFIED TRAINER based on my text above (this is an important step).
2) Follow his instructions exactly…believe in him even if you don’t see results at first. (That’s why step #1 is important, he needs to inspire, motivate, and earn your respect).
3) Believe that this body (the archetype I found the best for our PUA goals) is something worthy and worth fighting for. You have to want it. I illustrated my experience, so you’d know it is a huge DHV prop to your avatar.
CONCLUSION
For RELATIONSHIP purposes…I think it is an excellent sport that does provide the ROI you are looking for.
For HEALTH purposes…I think it is an excellent sport that does provide the ROI you are looking for.
For WEALTH purposes…I think it is an excellent sport that does provide the ROI you are looking for.
In this regard, remember I mentioned that High-Value guys will want to align with you. I can’t tell you how many different wealth-building alignments are spawned from guys wanting to be your friend and throwing value your way.
All-in-all the BODYBUILDING activity permeates through multiple areas of your life that are consistent with PUA goals. I high recommend it for the reasons in this post.
-Matador
This is part two of my series on phone game. Click here to view my previous articles.
The hardest part of phone game is getting her on the phone (see my previous article on that). Once you’ve gotten past that hurdle, things can move pretty smoothly if you’re smart and adaptable. As with my previous article, everything mentioned below is a guideline only. These rules are not set in stone! You have to adapt and calibrate your actions as you go.
The most important factor here is your voice. You should sound confident and self-assured in your tone. You should speak slowly, deeply, and with pausing, just as you would in the field. Sounding as cool as you did in the field when you met her while your on the phone is a commonly ignored concept in this field, but it is absolutely vital. Too many aspiring pick-up artists can run fantastic game in the field, but snap right back to their old selves on the phone and become needy, supplicative, and sometimes downright creepy. She can never sense any inconsistencies in your personality on the phone. This is key.
Once you’ve got her on the phone, you have to think of a phone call as sort of a mini pick-up. You start with a quick DHV, qualify her briefly, and then build comfort. I like to immediately tell her about something funny/crazy/interesting that happened later on in the night after my friends and I left the club that we met at but you could use any routine you want as long as it seems relevant to the phone call somehow (i.e. starting the routine with “So I just go this text from my friend and…”). When it’s time to qualify, try to qualify her based on something that has come up in the conversation that the routine has started if you can. Just saying “So….can you cook?” out of nowhere sounds kind of weird.
Here’s a generic example:
“So get this: as we were leaving the club on Friday, my friend Adam was getting literally DRAGGED away by this…not so attractive girl, but Adam is a REALLY nice guy and just couldn’t figure out how to get away from her without hurting her feelings. So Jamie (you met her, she was the blond in the corset) just trots right over and starts to pull Adam back to us, saying he’s gotta come home with us tonight. Well the other girl just LOOSES IT and starts freaking out on Jamie. She gets all in her face and starts trying to shove her and get physical. Now normally I’d be all like “Yeah catfight!” But that’s only when it’s people I don’t know, and Jamie doesn’t take shit from ANYBODY so we all rushed in and literally drag Jamie out of there before things got really out of hand. That’s why I love my friends though: everyone’s always watching out for each other, no matter what. From what I gathered though your friends are like that too, am I right?”
From there, you build comfort as normal. You let the conversation flow normally as you both get to know each other better. Just have a conversation. This is something so many PUAs just cant seem to get into their heads and I cannot stress this enough. Whether its ten minutes or two hours, your target should hang up the phone want to immediately call her friends and tell her about this phone conversation she had with this amazing guy who she really connected with. Talk to her, get to know her and above all, appreciate her.
I like to use the phone as an opportunity to talk about what’s going on in my life at the moment. It’s almost as if I’m catching up with an old friend and by creating that vibe, it creates the unconscious illusion of familiarity. See more about the art of conversation in my article about How To talk to girls
You don’t even have to set up the Day-2 on the first call. In fact, unless she brings it up, you probably should wait until at least the second phone call. If you want, you can seed a potential hang-out during your conversation (I would, for instance, mention something about my friends and I all getting together for our weekly wing-night, or maybe that we’re all going to a certain event on such an such a day) and then just not invite her to it until your next call. By not immediately going for the date the first time you talk to her, you convey non-neediness, and may even just leave her thinking “Why DIDN’T he ask me out after we had that great conversation?” Anticipation is a very powerful thing. Use it to your advantage whenever you can.
After your first call, wait two days or so and follow the same pattern above. If she seems really eager to hear from you again, you can call her the very next day if you want, and if the phone call didn’t go as perfectly as you had planned, maybe wait and call her on the third day. Again, it’s all about calibration here. You have to gauge how much value/compliance/comfort you have when deciding on what move to make next.
Next week: how to handle a call from her the proper way!
About Prophet
Prophet is a
VA Coach specializing in routine stack creation who operates out of Toronto. Aside from his work as an instructor/site admin for Venusian Arts, Prophet is a software consultant at a leading software development firm. In his spare time, he finances, writes, and produces independent films with his wingmen, Showcase and Wild Card.
Your delivery – the way you speak – can be one of the most important factors of your game. Like body language, you express more about yourself with the way you speak than with what you actually say. If your delivery is off you can be giving a very different message than you are really intending to.
First off, how fast are you talking? People who tend to talk faster show less value. Studies show that the faster you talk the more nervous you are. It stems from an unconscious fear that people are not going to listen to you long enough for you to say everything that you want. By talking fast, you convey that fear, which is a very bad sign of insecurity and gives you lower value. So make sure you are slowing down your speech and enunciating everything you say so that everyone in your set can hear your every word very clearly. Speak slower than you think you should be with pauses to draw more attention to your words. Be clear and concise. Pack more value into fewer words.
Secondly; you’re most likely in a crowded venue, so how loud are you speaking? Are you yelling, or are you speaking articulately and clearly with a deep, powerful voice that comes from your diaphragm? You’d better make sure it’s that second one. There is a fine, but notable difference between yelling and speaking loudly. Yelling will only give lower value because it conveys that you are trying to hard to get the group to hear you. And while you’re shouting at the top of your lungs, the guy next to you is speaking firmly and with enough tone for everyone to hear, thus giving him not only more value but he will also look like he is more comfortable in his set for double points. Also, if you are simply speaking loudly, it is also easier to avoid pecking (we unconsciously tend to peck when we have to yell in someone’s ear) and make you look more relaxed in set.
Thirdly; take the time to take a break from talking and just listen. This can open your mind to many new things. Mostly when in set you plough through and don’t really take the time listen to your target or anyone else in your set for that matter. By just listening (actually listening, not planning your next move) every once and awhile you can demonstrate that you are for real and not just some player and gives off just the right vibe. Try it.
You should also be looking at how confident of a speaker you are being. The higher your confidence the higher your value so be sure to project yourself clearly with the proper facial expressions and enthusiasm. A good way to sound more confident with your speech is making your tone go down at the end of a sentence instead of up. By raising your voice at the end of a sentence, you make it sound like a question. By lowering it, you will sound certain about what you are saying. If you pay attention to the way particularly interesting speakers raise and lower their voice, you will notice all sorts of things like this. Also, you need to sound interesting. Lovedrop talks about this a LOT in Revelations, but we’ll mention it here anyway. Sounding interesting doesn’t mean talking about interesting things, it means that you need be interesting. Be fascinated with what you are saying, speak with passion and enthusiasm. Speak slowly and with intermittent pausing (see Revelations for more on this). This will draw your audience into what you are saying as they start to hang on your every word. Moods are contagious. If you sound like you are really, truly interested in what you are saying, and you are saying it in a compelling manner, the people you are talking to will suddenly find themselves as interested in what you are talking about as much as you are.
Finally let’s look at your manners. Always make sure your playing nice with others just like your mother always taught you. Avoid rude behavior because it will only send a wake of bad emotions through everyone you encounter and that can only end with everyone seeing you as the asshole or douche bag. That doesn’t mean that you cant be cocky or tease your girls, by any means however. Just make sure you know the line between being a tease and being an asshole. People will not feel pleasant being around you if you are the latter and that is not what you are looking to do. A real alpha male doesn’t need to put down others to look cool. He just has fun for the sake of being fun and bringing good feelings to the group. Do your best to put some basic manners and politeness into every little interaction you encounter. You’re looking to be the guy everyone loves not the asshole everyone avoids, so smile and throw in a thank you every once in a while.
Always pay attention to yourself in the field and try to notice every factor that makes up your speech. Everything from pacing, to volume, to tonality conveys something about you. If you notice something is wrong or out of place, fix it, adjust it, or get rid of it. We make mistakes to learn from them so don’t ever be hard on yourself, simply know yourself, recognize that you need to change something, and work out how you can improve. A wing can be invaluable in this aspect, as he will always have a better idea of what you actually sound like in the field than you do. It is always good for you and your wing no notice each other and be critical with one another in a constructive way. An outside opinion about yourself from a fellow PUA can help you pin point certain flaws you may not have noticed yourself. Always remember to move forward and always improve. Remember: practice makes perfect.
- Wild Card
About Wild Card
Wild Card is a seduction writer operating out of Toronto. Aside from his work for Venusian Arts, Wild Card is a card dealer and drummer in a classic rock/new rock band. In his spare time, he takes every opportunity he can to have crazy adventures with his wingmen, Showcase and Prophet.
Women Are Like Cats Part 1
Opening How do you approach a woman?
When you first meet a new cat, it’s usually startled when you first approach. It may not necessarily take flight but it will take precautions until it feel’s your not a predator with any type of agenda. Until the cat gets more familiar with whom you are and the scent you carry; you must believe that you are approaching with no intentions to “picking up the cat.” Notice that usually when you try to move around with the cat after first meeting it, it tends to want to disperse away. Well the same result would occur with a woman due to the high level of compliance you’re asking while she has little data and not enough comfort with you. Just like how you can tell the current emotional state/mood of a cat by the angle of its ears, you can tell about a woman by her current emotional state and conversation she gives you which are feedback you can acknowledge to know what input you’re receiving, therefore making it easy to communicate with her because you understand where she is in that moment.
Is it an indication of disinterest, demonstration of lower value, compliance test, indication of interest, or a demonstration of higher value? None the less the more time you spend in field then the more calibrated and awareness you will have of your environment, particularly social settings. In other words you will always know of what’s REALLY going on while others think they do. (People with really advanced game know what I mean. So remember when a movement is implemented it should be calibrated, smooth, confident, playful, and accurate. At the same time have that belief of being internally strong with no regrets or reasons why you as a man can’t step up if something caught your curiosity. However, don’t put yourself in a situation where you become that guy, “I must pet this cat.” Then you will notice your possibilities slimming down especially when you feel she’s got potential From there if you continue to game in the wrong direction you got yourself a restraining order. So how would you approach a cat? That’s how you approach a woman.
-Rizen
About Rizen
Rizen is a
VA Coach living in Los Angeles. Aside from that he is a current college student in the process of majoring in public relations, a recording hip hop artist who’s secretive about his works for confidentiality agreements, a global traveler who not only has a diverse background or speaks fluent English and Arabic knowing Arabic in seven different dialects. In addition, travels frequently through out the year around the world enhancing both himself and his crafts to better reach his preference of taste, in what he considers an amplified set of skill sets.
The Art of Erotic Foreplay – Part 2 of 4
Make love to her mind
Now that you understand the importance of foreplay, we need to start figuring out how to it works and what we should do. There are countless techniques you can incorporate into foreplay. Many of them will be tried and tested, hopefully becoming important parts of your sexual script. Foreplay techniques should be creative, inventive, and of course, fun. In the next 3 articles, we’ll focus on 3 important areas which every guy should have in their foreplay tool chest; mind foreplay, body massages, and kissing.
Mind foreplay is stimulating her largest sex organ – the brain. The mind is a very powerful thing. Did you know that some women can actually think off? They can use their minds without any physical stimulation and reach orgasm through erotic thoughts. However, for many women, mental blocks are one of the biggest obstacles to experiencing pleasure during sex. There are two ways we can help challenge these blocks: relaxing the mind and then stimulating it.
Relaxing the mind often appears non-sexual, but it helps open the doors to the erotic. By this I mean say and do things that will reduce her anxiety and the thoughts or questions she may have. Women tend to multi task more than men, which leads to more thoughts running through their heads. Many women will describe having a hard time focusing on sex and their own pleasure because they are worried about everyday life issues as well as sexual issues like how their body looks naked, if they feel sexy, and whether or not they should be jumping in the sack with this guy. It’s your job to help calm these thoughts and the many other thoughts that can impact sexual satisfaction and comfort.
Make her feel at ease and cared for. Talk to her about what is stressing her out, problems she may be having, or simply what’s on her mind. You’ll be surprised to find that after she vents and expresses to you, a few things are likely to happen. First, she’ll probably feel better, more calm, less tense, maybe even relieved. Second, she will trust you more. Each time we show compassion, attentive listening, and concern, our partners will inch a little bit closer to us emotionally. Third, with the non-sexual thoughts calmed, she will have more capacity to focus on things like erotic stimulation and the sexual moment at hand. It may seem strange but planning the date, cleaning the house, or helping her with her homework all reduce her anxiety and help her to focus on feeling relaxed. Here’s a creative and unique example. A friend of mine in the Adult film industry loves to have sex (I mean loves it!), but she has concerns and fears that men she meets outside of the industry might have sexually transmitted diseases (STD). Those within the industry get tested monthly and are quite open about sharing their results. She is concerned about the risk of catching something, not being able to work, and personal health reasons. That sexual comfort issue impacts her desire to sleep with men outside of the industry and creates anxiety. A few weeks ago, one lucky non-industry guy was prepared enough to have his recent STD results handy to show her. She saw proof of his clean bill of health and she “gave him the ride of his life!” He pinpointed the anxiety, calmed her fears, reduced the anxiety, and it opened the door to sexual comfort.
Now that we have helped relax her mind, the next step is to stimulate it. Guys, masturbate her mind. Victor Hugo once wrote that a compliment is like a kiss through a veil. Compliment her in ways that make her feel sexy and comfortable. For example, don’t just say her hair “looks nice.” Describe her hair with vivid descriptions and enthusiasm. “You’re hair looks stunning tonight! I think that is one of my favorite hairstyles I have seen on you.” Learn to use descriptive words and adjectives to enhance your phrases. She’ll feel sexier and appreciate you more. Open a thesaurus and look up the word beautiful and find 10 different words you can use to compliment her. Another mind stimulator is turning her on with erotic talk, email, or text messages. You have to make sure she is comfortable with that before you open the floodgates to erotic talk. If used wisely, erotic talk can make women crave sexual touch and the erotic fulfillment of desire and fantasies. Sometimes a subtle comment can do the trick, so be careful not to scare her away with excessively dirty talk or overdoing it, at least initially. Non-verbal behaviors can help create sexual mood as well. Holding her hand, warming her shoulders/hands with your hands if it’s cold, allowing her to enter a door first and placing your hand on her back as a means of escorting her through the door, an eye wink, a powerful sexy gaze, and even the tease of unavailability all can be used as foreplay techniques to increase sexual tension. Use romance as an erotic tool and ally rather than the enemy that speaks a foreign tongue. Plant the seeds of sexual desire in her brain and watch it grow. Remember a little goes a long way.
Dr. Chaves
Copyright 2009 Hernando Chaves
Dr. Hernando Chaves is a Clinical Sexologist and Psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, CA. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. He is a Sex Coach and resident Sexologist at www.askmen.com, offering guidance and technique training to become a better, more skilled lover. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression.
Alright gentlemen, at 9 p.m., I readied and went to meet my friend Tal and his buddy Action Fighter downtown. We ate at a cool food joint and discussed the chance of my meeting the famous Angelina Jolie from Hackers. We discussed and planned. It was my party invite and I invited my friends so I had dibs on Angelina. We agreed on that. They said that since I was the guy who worked his ass off to get good, it was only fitting that I landed her in order to complete my training as Action Lover. Se we get to the place for 11:20pm. Action Fighter couldn’t get in ’cause the ticket was for only 2 so I asked the guy if I could go up and find the film-makers to get my friend in and they let me in (I think it was my confident and PLEASANT demeanor.) We go in and I meet a couple of people I knew. We walked around and the place slowly picked up over time. A photographer I knew through a biz acquaintance was there and he took some pics of me. Me, Action fighter and Tal just waited around and nothing happened for the first hour. We just looked busy and chatted and hung which was tough to do. We saw Rosanna Arquette there but I didn’t intro myself to her. We were waiting for Jolie to come. I thought, when she comes, I have to be all set up to meet her. I figured, first, she must be intro’d to me, and second, I must have women around me to appear as positive testimonial to my coolness. So I intro’d myself to 2 women who were not my type at all just to get something going around me. This is known as BASING. This is where you start a BASE of women around yourself to DRESS yourself in female-atude. One of them liked Tal too so he enjoyed the yak. Better than hanging alone waiting for the cream of the crop to still arrive. Well, Jolie wasn’t coming so I dumped the 2 girl BASE and walked around. Jolie NEVER arrived which sucks because I asked the photographer to get Jolie to come and meet me. That would have been cool because she would have felt like ‘I’ was important enough for her to want to meet ME. He would say to her that he wanted to take a picture of the two of us and I would be surrounded by several people and the HYPE would be around ME. If only she were THERE. Mind you, I’m not pissed or anything. It was a long shot worth trying for. She could have had a boyfriend or been married but at least I went there.
Ok, so I end up meeting a couple cool black dudes and we shoot the shit for a bit. They were sort of a second BASE. Tal, Action Fighter (AF) and I go get a drink at the complementary bar. We only ordered coke because drinking lames out the brain for the sharpness required for the game. None of us drink. The ‘drink to loosen up’ excuse is invalid from a scientific standpoint. Playing the game is INCLUDES over-riding your emotions. See, beautiful women by their presence will create a STATE-CHANGE in you. They don’t have to talk; they just have to BE THERE. You will get nervous and horny and weird. This feeling will make you behave like EVERY other guy. This state-change is an indicator that the woman is WORTHY of your attentions. However, you can’t let this STRONG EMOTION alter your approach. This is an internal issue that happens on TOP of the external issue of attracting her. It’s a BITCH of an emotion too though because it makes you WANT her so bad that you will be NICE to her. What the NICE GUYS don’t realize is that only men who are around women a lot don’t have this state-change and therefore do not behave like horny-toads. So you must act like you don’t FEEL this inside and suppress the feeling. Good news is, when you ARE around women a lot, the feeling gets weaker. You can control this STATE-CHANGE as you can nervousness before public speaking and such. You just ignore the feeling. Only YOU know you have this internal issue. Hiding it is the big thing. When you are drunk, it removes this feeling, but it ALSO removes your sharpness and focus.
Ok, so Tal, AF and I go for another walk about in the place. We chat with our 2 girl BASE and Tal gets attention from one of them. They are not WORTHY but they DO invite us to their home party tomorrow. I could tell that this invite thing was designed for Tal. The girl must really like her. She isn’t WORTHY for him though. But hey, we plan on going. See, they actually had already written the directions for us when we returned to them. Weird but cool. The other one said, “There will be lots of single women there for Tal.” I replied, “I’ll try to convince Tal that that is important to him.” I was playing coy for him. They leave the party and we move on. There are 2 very attractive ladies near the speaker. I approach them and initiate my attack. Right behind them is a producer who was listening in and he gives me his card. In minutes I have the girls and this producer dude follow me to where my BASE 2 of the 2 black dudes are. We all chit chat and laugh and have fun for about 10 minutes and then I ask the blond girl (call her Tat here in NG) to come with me to a quieter area. I do this because it is a wonderful controlling and leadership display. I also got her away from the rest so only she and I could talk. But I looked cool to her because the producer thought I was cool and showed it, shaking my hand several times and the 2 black dudes were cool to me too. Anyway, we go to a quieter place but she asks if her friends could come. I say sure. So Me, Tat and 2 other cute girls go and sit somewhere else in the place. Oh by then, AF already left to go to his girlfriend at home. He’s not into the game, just appreciates what I do and watches me work. Ok, so I talk to Tat (who is at least a 9 if not more (24 yr old beauty – a therapist) and the other 2 sort of dissipate for a while because they know Tat likes me. We talk for an hour. Our talk includes connecting, how the mind is incredible, we talk about cosmology (an interest of mine) in an emotional way, and other stuff. She wore a black dress which was cut above the knee and her body was fucking awesome man! Fuck! I treated her like a friend. I did the pull my finger script on her and it really put me in control. Tal wanted to leave so I asked her for a ride home and she agreed so he took off. We will go to that party tomorrow. Ok, so I told Tat that I had a few rules in case she ever called me (I didn’t give her my #, I just told her my rules.) I actually TOLD her these. Swear.
1. If you call my pager, don’t leave a pager #.
2. If you call my pager, rather than saying via voice mail, “Hey, call me”, instead type in your # or I won’t call you.
3. If I call you and you can’t talk, don’t say, “Can you call me back?” I won’t. Instead, say, “I’ll call you back.” And then actually CALL me back.
4. If I call you, when you find out I’m ME, instead of saying, “Hey, what’s up?” I would prefer you saying, “Oh HI sweetie, how nice of you to call!” I told her I would do the same in return.
“Is all this fair?” She agreed.
I had the chance to make her friend like me too. I got Tats friends respect when she noticed I didn’t let Tat shit on me. I gave Tat rules and basically behaved like a man. I was confident and in control and lead the conversation. I listened and asked questions too which gave me valuable info with regards to her VALUES. Great insights I learned this week here in NG. Man, has NG helped me. Thanks guys BTW.
I also told her that I would NOT ask for her #. Why? I said, “Because I’m not like every other guy. You will have to WORK to get it off me. AND, if you say, can I have your #, I won’t find that creative enough so I will actually say NO. You will need to be creative, fair?” She says, “Ok I’ll need to think about this.”
Ok so we went to her car and I made jokes about her CLUB. You know, The CLUB, that bar on the steering wheel. Ok, so she drove me all the way home and that really allowed us to get to feel friendshipy comfortable. Her friend was in the back asking me questions. Like, she was qualifying me for her friend. I believe I passed all the tests nicely. Halfway home I mention, “You realize if you don’t ask for my # I will say, “Pleasure meeting you” and just get out of the car.” She says, “I was thinking about how I am going to ask.” When we got in front of my place she didn’t say anything but I could tell she really was going to so as a joke I said, really quickly, “pleasure meeting you” and opened the door and got out.
“Wait”, she said. I sat back down, door open. “Yes? What?”
She said, “can I have your number?” I said, “No! Boring. Try again.”
“Oh come on, don’t be difficult. Just gimmee your #.” I looked back at her friend and said, “If some guy said, “oh come on, don’t be difficult. Just gimmee your #.” Would you? She said no. “This won’t do. Try again. Be creative and sincere.” I was toying with her and actually making her nervous about losing me. “I would very much like to have your #”, she said.
I said, “Why?”
“Because I want it. Just give it to me.”
“NO”, I said, “why do you want my number?”
“How else will we see each other again?”
“Because I want to.”
I reply, “Why can’t you look at our time together as a fun time, a cool memory, and leave it at that? It’s like a nice package, we had a good time and that’s that.” She said, “Well, wouldn’t you want to OPEN the package?”
FUCK IM good. I WANTED her to say that. I MADE her say that with this game. I ‘permitted’ her to have my number but only AFTER I did the CREATIVE CLOSE script. It was awesome, I ran her through hell to get my #. She had to EARN IT! The girl in the back thought I was very cool and agreed with me and said to her, “you have to earn his #. He’s a man of value. He’s worth more than just a, “I’ll call you.”
We planned to see each other on Sunday (Saturday I have that party). After I got her # but before I gave mine I said, “before you get to have my number, you will agree to call me tomorrow, just to touch base. Is that fair?”
“Yes that is fair. ” “Not too early though, I’m planning on sleeping in.”
They waved several times as they drove off.
I made her WANT me. I made myself WORTH it. In a way, I acted like a girl. I was coy and hard to get. Fuck girls are good at this. How the hell do they do it so well so early? Anyway, thanks to the SS newsletters and your posts, I have really gotten my shit together. I came upstairs and IMMEDIATELY began posting shit here. Its 6:05 a.m. now and there you have it. Oh, BTW: remember that 10s # I got last Wednesday? Well, I had called her 2 days later and she said, “I’m busy can you call me back?” That sucked. So before the FILM PREMIERE I called her again and she was getting her hair done. She was busy tonight (I had invited her to the FILM thing). She didn’t try to get together another time nor did she sound so interested. So you know what I did? Now this hurt. I deleted her # from my list. I figure: I did all I can do to attract her LIVE that night I met her and I remember doing very well. She loved me. But on the phone she wasn’t all that into me. So I gave her 2 tries and she just didn’t bite like as if she was interested. I won’t call again. If she doesn’t call, that simply means she doesn’t want to be with me. Simple and direct, yes? I can’t convince her any MORE by calling her. I did all I can do and it is now up to her. I will only lower my standards by calling again. So I deleted the #. If she calls, BONUS. If not, I did the best I can … oh, AND I got a # today from a beautiful girl that I would love to be a girlfriend. Wow … ok, now get THIS! Remember that photographer at the party? His camera was digital and he took a picture of Tat and me. I asked him to email it to me and he agreed. So, that means you guys get a pic. But only if you ask me privately and are cool about it. Don’t burst my bubble!
JIMMY the HuN BTW did NOT show up. He did NOT email me. He did NOT do anything. Of course I won’t call this a cop out on his part because I DID give him short notice. Besides, at $100 a #, I’d only have made $100. Thing is, it’s the only # I wanted! She is amazing and I am in LOVE! Wow. JIMMY, come out another time. Hey dude, honest, come out to the house party tomorrow. Or is that today? Saturday night anyway. Email me and we can meet up if you are up to a friendly game of The Game. Don’t let me down. I’m ready to uphold my reputation and nothing you can say but “OK, I’ll be there” will uphold yours.
Mystery
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